No triviality too banal.

My inbox this morning

It’s National Salsa Month!  Salsa is a very personal thing.  I like mine with only a trace of onion, no cilantro, not too watery, and not tasting like canned tomatoes.

Actually, the list of industry-created National _____ Months and National _____ Days, not to mention National _____ Weeks may well blow your mind.  I’m cynical and it blew mine.  Everything is a marketing opportunity.

I wouldn’t even know about National Salsa Month but for an email from a favorite merchant of mine exhorting me to celebrate National Salsa Month by………

………….exhorting me to buy salsa!  From them!  And maybe some chips too!  How about these Guacamole Bites?  They’re green because of spinach powder, not avocado, and they contain “natural avocado flavor” which may or may not mean they contain a minute amount of avocado.  That said, they contain “Guacamole Seasoning.”  What the hell are they talking about?  (Hey Mom!  Notice what I did there?  I could have dropped an f-bomb, but I didn’t.)  The best guac I ever had contained avocado, salt, lime juice, chopped tomato, and nothing else.  If you add anything else, you ruin it.

Seriously people.  You have to read the label.  And National ____ Day was created to sell things.

This post powered by a delicious blend of Italian Roast and Italian Roast Decaf from Nuts.com, which sells many offensive products that should be avoided, but is also my go-to online retailer for organic nuts, dried fruit, coffee, and bulk ingredients for Lucy’s dog food.  And it sells candy by color for when you’ve just gotta have a supply of back and white foil-wrapped chocolate balls to celebrate the Zebes’ progress to the UEFA Champions League Semifinals against A.S. Monaco on Wednesday May 3 and Tuesday May 9, which was only possible because the Zebes shut out the Barçalonians–Neymar, Messi, and the odious Luis Suarez–yeah, THOSE Barçalonians–TWICE.
This post also powered by National Barbecue Month, National Chocolate Custard Month, National Egg Month, National Hamburger Month, National Salad Month, National Strawberry Month (now THAT’s worth celebrating!), National Mediterranean Diet Month, National Raisin Week, National Chocolate Parfait Day, National Mental Health Awareness Month, National Bike Month, National Get Caught Reading Month, National Lyme Disease Awareness Month, National Choose Privacy Week, National Law Day, National Loyalty Day (that sounds bad), and National Mother Goose Day, among other things.


Comments are closed.